20230803
It's been a while since I wrote anything in English.
Recently, I was feeling a bit down - actually, not 'a bit', but pretty dramatically, to be more precise. I thought I shook off most of the negative feelings I had, and the thought turned out to be wrong. Very wrong, indeed.
I think that the reason I feel depressed might be related to how I hate myself. Lack of self-confidence. The more I think highly of my background, the more I have to blame myself for the cause of all the misfortune and lack of hard work. Then should I just blame all the other people close to me? Or should I blame the system? Honestly, I think it might be an excuse, not a proper solution. But... Blaming myself does not solve the root of the problem either. I think I should just toughen up, get a grip, and try to make a simpler approach to life. Living happy is really harder than saying 'I want to live a happy life'. Or is it? I may be already happy, but doesn't know that I am, because of whatever reasons. Keeping an optimistic view of the world constantly is what I want to achieve ultimately. I want to be able to be happy because of such small, frivolous things that most people just pass upon.
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